I’ve been so torn this week because I felt as though I should attend some of the Church Services and pray in community. At this point in my life, I don’t have a church where I really feel at home. I was hurt very badly in the one that I was a part of for many, many years, and it hurts too much to think about going back there.
It is Holy Week, however, and I thought that I did want to attend the service on Holy Thursday even though I had a lot of angst about it all week. I just needed to get over myself and go, because after all, it’s not about me and I’m sure there are a lot of people who would be happy to see me and welcome me back.
And yet, there was this un-ease inside. I decided to go. And then, I woke up this morning and in a moment of honesty, admitted that I really didn’t want to go back there. Too much pain.
But, I felt guilty….couldn’t I just do this one thing for Jesus who died for me?
And then, I had a conversation with my best friend, an angel really, who reminded me of this Scripture passage,
“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standingin the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Matt 6: 5-6 (NIV)
And, I knew at that moment that it was ok to not go. The tension began to ease up.
My friend reminded me what prayer is really all about.
So, this Thursday and Friday I will go into my room, close the door and pray.
Pray for my friend
Pray for all of you
Pray for peace
Pray for the sick, sad and lonely
Pray for the children
and….pray for healing