But she’s still my Mom

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I haven’t’ posted for a bit because I’ve been with my Mom for her last few weeks .  About two weeks ago her earthly journey ended.  Before I continue, let me acknowledge a few things:

  • Yes, she was 93 years old and lived a full life
  • Yes, she was in a nursing home with dementia for the past two years
  • Yes, I DO believe with every fiber of my being that she is in the loving arms of God
  • Yes, I am thankful for the time we had together

BUT, she’s still my Mom, and I hurt – I’m happy for her, but sad for me.

I don’t like ‘goodbyes.’  Even if it is a healthy goodbye (saying goodbye to something or someone who you need to walk away from), there is a part of you that is left behind.

There is a void in my heart that no one else will ever be able to fill. My Mom was my best friend, my biggest fan and supporter, the person who was always there for me, the person who loved me no matter what.

On some level, deep inside, I think I knew that her health was declining even before the visible signs began to appear.  The last month or so, I just wanted to sit with her, many times in silence, and gaze at her beautiful face. Subconsciously, I needed to etch every detail of her face into my heart.  She was, to me, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen

And so……I cry, I mourn, and…..I remember

And…..I take comfort, knowing where she is and that someday we will be together again for all eternity!

Love is stronger than death

My love for my Mom does not end with the fact that I can’t see, touch or hear her anymore.  It does not end with her death.  It does not end…..

My Mom (high school graduation) – now…..wouldn’t you want to gaze at her beautiful face?

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10 thoughts on “But she’s still my Mom

  1. I couldn’t have said it better, I have such a hard time when people ask her age and then say “she lived a good life.” First off, you are right no matter how old she was she was still our mom and without trying to sound unkind, I feel like saying “you have no idea what her life was like, her struggles, sacrifices and heartache.” Thank you for putting into words what we all feel!

  2. She was so beautiful! Your words said what I STILL feel and it’s been 15 years!! Our mom’s… no one ever takes their place and it is such a personal loss for our lives. More than ever, aren’t we thankful for the assurance of that sweet reunion that waits for us one day. So sorry for your loss Andie.

    1. Thanks dear Sonja! It’s tough, as you said, no one ever takes their place. You still feel after 15 years, she lives in your heart!

  3. What a beautiful tribute to your mom! It will be forty years this November since my mom died and I still weep at times. Prayers for you and your family as you journey together through your grief. Blessings.

  4. Andie, it was timely that I find this today because I am going through this with my own Mom now. She and Dad are still living at home but she leaves less and less. She is not the Mom I grew up with and yet she is every bit my Mom. My hero. I left my Arizona home to be here with her. In quiet moments I cry and It’s like I am feeling her own fear. I can’t imagine how scary it must be to lose your mind, your memories. So glad Heaven is her future as it was your Moms.

    1. Sorry for this late reply Lori! Yes, it is so heartbreaking, but I firmly believe that God gives them a peace that we cannot even imagine. It doesn’t help us much, but in her way, in her own world I am confident that she knows. “Unless you become like little children…..”

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