Someone asked me yesterday if I knew a good book about God’s forgiveness. I asked for some clarification and he said that his spiritual director told him that he has trouble believing that he is forgiven by God. What is it in him that causes him to think that God doesn’t forgive him? The conversation ended there, I didn’t want to pry, but it got me thinking. How do I get in the way of what God wants to give me?
What holds me back from living my life in total freedom, in total trust, truly believing that I am loved beyond my ability to comprehend? Am I afraid to believe it, do I fear that I will be disappointed or hurt? Do I feel unworthy? Sure, I may look and act ‘all together’ but if people could really see what’s inside….and yet God does.
Is it God that gives bit by bit or is it me that picks and chooses? A friend always says that God answers prayers by saying, ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘not yet’. Maybe that is, in fact, the way that I respond to him. Like the rich man in the Gospels, do I sometimes walk away?
Create a clean heart in me, O Lord. Help me to move ‘myself’ out of the way so that I can be open to receive what you so generously desire to give to me. Help me to say ‘yes’ and then to open my empty arms and receive. I pray that I may see more clearly….that it is not you who holds back, but it is me who gets in the way of your Grace.