Tough questions to answer

Some questions are just so difficult to answer or to comprehend, especially when they are asked by children.  Last week I was speaking with a high school girl who is trying to make sense out of her parent’s very bitter divorce.  Even though the marriage had turned sour and there was much fighting in the home, she did not want her parents to get divorced.  I asked her if she prayed about it and she told me that she prayed for them every single day.  I asked her how she felt about God since obviously, the divorce happened.  She said that she wasn’t angry with God, but she would have liked different results. 

She went on to tell me that as a result of the divorce and a forced move, she was now more  involved with clubs in her new school (big brothers and sisters being one of them), she said that she can now talk about the failed marriage – a year ago she couldn’t, and she told me that she sees that both parents were responsible and that she truly believes that she wasn’t  (I especially hope that is true because I know how many children blame themselves), she is now able to cry – couldn’t do that for a long time (and I am a firm believer that tears are healing), and she is able to see that there are some blessings that have come out of it.  I could still see her pain, however, as she told the story.

One of the things that I truly weep over is the suffering of children, physical, mental and spiritual.  It is so difficult for me to understand why these little ones must be in such pain.  My consolation comes because of promises made.  With all of my heart I believe that heaven must be so wonderful (wish I had a better word to describe it) that all of this suffering melts away.  Our pain must simply be miniscule when compared with the joys of eternity.  How else would our Loving God permit this?  This consolation must reside in our hearts because the words fail. 

I pray for children who suffer, I pray for all of us who suffer, and I hold on to the hope that there will be a day when all of the tears that God stores in a vessel will be changed into tears of joy that will rain down cleansing baptismal waters upon all of us.

12 thoughts on “Tough questions to answer

  1. Oh Andie, my heart goes out to that girl. Our family has been dealing with the grief of my brother’s divorce for several years now. My niece Lauryn was and is so affected by it. She is special needs which makes it even more difficult and she doesn’t understand why her Mommy and Daddy don’t live together (she is 8) She is so happy when they are in the same room, she tries to hold both of their hands and then wants them to hold hands. It is heartwrenching. The fall out from divorce in our society is evident in the kids all around us! My heart goes out to them…Lori

    1. It must break your heart to see Lauryn. I agree with you about the fall out that is evident in the kids. I’m not judging anyone, but as you, my heart goes out to the kids.

  2. I, too, wonder sometimes at the pain we all experience – whether children or adults. Having been raised by an emotionally abusive mother my entire childhood is filled with the pain of that particular suffering.

    And yet, that pain made me who I am today. I think if you can reach a place like that young girl – able to see who is responsible and not take it all on to yourself – you can take the good lessons from the experiences and allow the bad and painful memories to melt away.

    At least – that’s what I’m trying to do now. 🙂

  3. I’m so glad your young friend has been able to see some bright spots in a terribly painful situation. So many never get to that place and become bitter adults. I, too, wonder why children must suffer. And like you, I believe heaven will be infinitely rewarding for them. I love the way you described our tears as “cleansing baptismal waters.” I really like that word picture!

  4. Your post speaks volumes. We too, have a grandchild that is a victim of divorced parents. It seems that no matter how long the parents have been seperated from one another that the child suffers greatly when they still fail to get along.

    This beautiful post is filled with hope. God bless..

  5. I was almost 10 when my parents finally separated.
    I felt relief.
    Our home was in such turmoil. Lack of trust. Blaming
    They argued constantly, my mother would leave for days, never knew where she went.
    Never knew when she would return.
    So many times they tried to reconcile.
    Our hopes would be built up then dashed.
    The hardest was seeing my dad in so much pain.

    I am glad you are able to be present to this young person.

    In my own life I was blessed with a surrogate mother.
    Sr. Cecile loved and didn’t judge any one in my family.
    She always reminded me it was not my fault.

    As important as prayer is, having some who is encouraging, loving, and is available to listen can bring strength and healing.

  6. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that as a child. But, Sr. Cecile sounds wonderful. You are right, having someone to listen and support makes all the difference. Thanks for sharing your story Carol.

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