Yesterday I didn’t add a post. Not a big deal really, when I began this exercise I never thought that I would be writing one every day. But, I was posting each day for a while until yesterday. No real reason I didn’t write yesterday, I just missed my usual time and the day was busy. It all sounds quite reasonable and legitimate, and yet it weighs a bit heavy on me. The reason is not that I missed a day, the reason is that I have a bit of a perfectionist personality and my self-imposed expectations sometimes leave me exhausted.
I think that we all do that to ourselves sometimes. We are more generous forgiving others than ourselves. We make excuses for others, we ‘beat ourselves up’, we love others, we struggle with self-love. Of course there are times when the opposite is true as well, but I believe that behavior has its own deep seated issues.
You would think that by now, with all of this self-reflection, recognition, and understanding of my personality that I would be able to say, ‘oh, that’s just you wanting everything to be ‘perfect’ again (not that it ever really is, don’t want you to think that), but it’s not that easy.
There are lessons to be learned here. Lessons of letting go, slowing down, acceptance, gentleness, and love. Today I will say, ‘it’s ok that I didn’t post yesterday, and to be honest…..I’m not all that pleased with this one’.