I was thinking……I trust God.  I know that whatever happens in my life, even though it might be painful, I do believe that in the long run it is for my good and that I can grow closer to God through it.  At  least that is what my head tells me.  But, I have to admit, that it frightenes me a little.  I don’t like pain and sorrow.  I don’t want to hurt.  I want my close relationship to God, but I want to be happy, I want everyone to get along, I want heaven on earth.  And then I thought, I’m not really giving my 100%, am I?  If I really do believe that God loves me, then I have to surrender it all and trust.  Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.  That will have to be a prayer for me because I know that I can’t do that without His help.  To completely surrender, 100%.  I’m not sure I’m there yet, but I will pray, and when (if) I can eventually get there, then that is when I will really experience God’s love for me.  Until then, I will continue to try to control my world …..ugh!